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After a while, he started calling her a ‘delusional fattie’.We wanted to find out why someone would spend their time digging strangers out, so a mate took over Gina’s phone and decided to confront Rob.None of this changes the quality of men, the quality of how they market themselves, and the quality of their interaction – all of which is, frankly, abysmal.But one thing I know from 7 years of doing this job is this: a great profile and witty email doesn’t necessarily equal a great guy.In “real life,” when someone approaches and asks you out, you’re obliged by social custom to reply. How can I be mean to someone who thinks I deserve that kind of effort?You may not be interested, but you can’t just pretend that the person isn’t standing there talking to you. So we have developed all manner of ways of saying no thanks, in what is hopefully the kindest way possible. And a couple times, women I have written to actually have replied with nice no thank you messages. And – here’s the odd part – a little uncomfortable.None of us likes to be rejected, and if we have any empathy about us at all we’re uncomfortable inflicting pain and/or embarrassment on someone – especially since that person’s only crime is thinking we’re kinda neat. When I first signed up for back in 2010 I didn’t know the rules. It turns out that I much prefer being ignored to being acknowledged in cases of rejection.I remember feeling obliged, when I got a message from a woman who didn’t interest me, to try and craft a nice reply that didn’t make her feel bad about herself. If there’s no contact, it’s harder to take it personally.

Women are constantly being treated badly by some dirtbag hiding behind his keyboard and I’ve had enough of it. That’s not to say I’m going to publicly humiliate you because I’m not that petty, but I could if I wanted to.‘Let’s be honest, tonight didn’t go that well,’ it read.‘However, I don’t know about you, but I haven’t had any for a while. The second incident concerned my friend Gina, who had matched with a bloke called Rob – also on Bumble. I’ve been excited to start meeting guys in my new city (LA – same as you! And if they do say hello, the emails are boring – “Hey, I’m thinking of getting some sun this weekend. ” Or they make me think these guys have me on a pedestal – “If you don’t mind me saying, I think you are beautiful, and your profile seems so genuine. ” I’ve taken your advice and posted pics of me looking fun, cute and active: wedding guest/bridesmaid pics, vacation pics, a fun sibling shot (labeled “with my bro and sis.”) So what is the deal? I’m thinking, “We are SO alike, why aren’t you responding? –Angie There are two entirely separate issues being discussed here: one is your frustration with online dating overall, the other is with the nuances of how it’s done. First of all, I want you to consider all the other places that you could meet thirtysomething men in Los Angeles. It seems there are plenty of men looking on these sites but hardly any saying hello! In my bio, I basically state I am a “retired jetsetter who still wants to have fun, but do it on a local level.” I’ve read a bunch of profiles and tried to reach out to men who were my equals, both in lifestyle and dating goals, but these guys haven’t responded.




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